It was only one date so I didn’t get attached and got over it pretty quickly. Yes, I did like him and wish it went further, but when communication stopped I wasn’t surprised. I’m kind of used to this thing. It’s happened more then once and it’s awful that I am used to this behavior in men. I wish they would grow up and grow a pair and tell a girl when they aren’t interested. I can handle it. The fact that I am used to it kind of puts a target on any great guy that would come into my life because I am very guarded at this point. 

I figured this guy wasn’t interested and met someone else. Well, with technology now you can find just about anyone on the internet. I didn’t know his last name, but I did remember the name of the band he was in so I checked them out on Facebook and found his profile. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he was seeing someone else since he had some hoochie in Daisy Duke shorts sprawled out on the hood of his car. 

Fast forward to the new year and guess who contacts me out of the blue? He does. He wished me a happy new year and hoped I was doing well and told me he thought about me a lot. What the hell? I haven’t heard from you since August and you decide to contact me now with you think about me a lot? What am I supposed to do with that?

I responded and our responses got a little heated, well on my part they did. I wanted to know why he was contacting me. I deserved to know that much at least. My guess was that he got dumped (the hoochie picture is now gone) and decided to come crawling back to me and see if I would take the bait. Well, I didn’t. He gave me some story about starting his new job, finding a place to live, and his grandma getting sick and eventually dying. I’m not one for excuses and even if ALL that was true — it takes less then 5 minutes to pick up a phone to text, email, or call. Unless his hands disappeared with his communication skills there is no reason not to inform someone you won’t be in contact for awhile. I would have understood that. 

Not one mention of dating anyone else, but apologized and said he was ashamed for not talking to me sooner. He was shocked that I got over our first date so fast and was dating other men. Caring stops when communication stops. It’s that simple. My walls are high and you can’t not expect me to date other men when you aren’t in the picture anymore. 

He said he wasn’t going to contact me anymore and leave me alone, but earlier tonight there was a short message from him in my Inbox. 

I’m not really sure how I feel about this. I’m more confused then anything. I think back to the guy he was when we went out. I adored that guy, but I also think of the strong girl I am and I am no one’s second choice. 

This man confuses me on what he wants from me – NOW. I wish he would just come out and tell me. It’d help me a lot.

I’m a picky girl when it comes to men and I have standards, but I also don’t put up with stupid bullshit either. I want to be happy with the man I am supposed to be with. We’ll see how this plays out. 

Shockingly, the new AFO’s are working. I broke them in an hour at a time for about a week and now I am in them full-time. They were leaving marks on my legs, but changing to knee-high socks solved that problem. I went to Target yesterday and bought 10 more pairs in super cute prints from colored plaids to colored zebra prints. Since I’m forced to one pair of shoes for a while, at least my socks are cute! And a little retail therapy goes a long ways to making you forget about the nausea for awhile. My spasms have cut down to NOTHING in the AFO’s which is amazing! I also sit a lot straighter too. Always good to improve your posture when you can.

It’s going to be a long 6 weeks with these antibiotics and I just noticed tonight that I now have a tape blister from the tegaderm they put over my port. Could my luck be any worse this year? It really is a FML year, but I am grateful through all of this that my Lupus has stayed in remission.

A little Weight Watchers update: I was doing pretty good with my points in getting them all in, exercising every day, and even used some of my Weekly free points , but now with the antibiotics I’m nowhere near my point totals. I don’t know how this is going to affect me in the loss or gain department since I am having no luck finding a scale. On the plus side people are noticing I’m possibly thinner in my face, who knows? I can’t see it. I’ll take the compliment though. I am working hard at this and I do hope it pays off in the next year.

I’m finding a new love for fruits and vegetables since those are free points in moderation. I’m also keeping track of my calorie intake because WW doesn’t do that. For the most part it’s pretty even.  I consumed 920 calories today (and I ate a ton of stuff) (burned 382) and I still have 5 points to eat. That’s roughly 200-300 calories.

Looking forward to trying some new recipes members have posted, some old favorites I rarely eat, a piece of bread with peanut butter and a banana on top, etc. Going to pick up deli-meat and some fat free cheese for a low-fat snack with protein in it. I need that, not just for working out, but to heal my sores too.

I really hopes this works. I’m eager to see some changes and when it’s all said and done, a possible makeover! That’s a goal for the future though. Baby steps for now.

After discussing some options with my leader she is going to make some phone
calls and see if there is a chance they can get a wheelchair scale in
our center. I know it would be a beneficial asset to the facility to
help encourage others with disabilities or limited mobility to step up
on a scale to possibly look at joining WW. In the meantime I am going to
check with the rehab units at the hospitals and see if I can check my
progress there. Even if my center can get a wheelchair scale, it is
going to take some time get there and I do want to make sure I am on the
right track as soon as possible.

I don’t know what to do about my weekly check in since I really don’t
know where I am at. Up or down since I was weighed at the Mayo Clinic last Wednesday. I’ll just leave it be until I can put a new weight in there.

The meeting was great, learned tips and tricks from veteran members on what
they do and don’t do. Finally figured out the point system and what I
can do with my extra points. Still struggling with getting all my
points in, but my leader told me to eat more at night if that is
when I am awake. You hear so many times not to eat after 8 PM, etc. etc.
etc. so I was just following that and missing out on a lot of points.
Last night I only had two remaining to eat which is way better then the
13-15 I had left over my first two nights trying WW.

I was hoping to report a loss at my first meeting, but I can’t report a
gain either so that will be my silver lining and seeing the glass half
full. I’m looking forward to this weight loss journey and it is my hope
that I can encourage others with disabilities who are struggling with
weight that they can join too.

Satureday June 4th, 2011

Today is Day 1 on my Weight Watchers journey. I had my annual checkup at the Mayo Clinic this past week and what the scale said made me cringe. Actually, I wanted to throw up or pass out. Not sure which. I was not happy. I knew my weight was up some over the last 6 months due to displaced ribs and being forbidden to lift any weights or do much wheeling. Then in January I broke my femur on a ski trip (I wish I had a uber cool wipe out story, but I don’t) and was left bed ridden for a month and a half until the swelling went down and I was able to fit in my wheelchair again.

I have been thinking about trying Weight Watchers for a while, especially after seeing Jennifer Hudson’s success on the program. My problem has never been overeating. My problem lies in not eating in the morning (I’d rather be sleeping) and/or not eating enough. I despise salty food, fast food, etc. but I do have a sweet tooth and being half Thai I love white rice. I never go overboard with any portions, but between sitting and my eating habits I need to find a balance to get the weight off and keep it off.

Exercise is not my favorite thing in the world, but once I put the music on or ride bike during my favorite shows it is a lot more tolerable.

My weight has gone up and down over the years a lot partly due to different medications I have been on and am currently on. The main drug to treat Lupus is prednisone and you gain weight just looking at the bottle. It’s a powerful, but nasty drug with horrible side effects. Thankfully, I have been in remission for 7 years and I don’t have a need for it. The weight goes on fast, but takes ten times longer to take off. It’s a vicious cycle of up and down. I know it’s not your fault when a side effect causes the gain, but it still doesn’t help your self esteem or what you look like to yourself and to others.

I know being in a wheelchair is going to make taking the weight off more challenging, but I am up for the challenge. I’m a tough woman, and very dedicated to anything I do. I have read success stories of other women in wheelchairs who have lost a lot of weight and I am going to too. I would love to lose 50 pounds, but I wouldn’t mind a little more if it is in my cards.

I did well for my first day, but I didn’t eat all my points. I was four points short. Is that really bad? I will attend my first meeting Monday and learn the ropes. I’m nervous and excited all at the same time. Wish me luck.

I made the decision to join Weight Watchers because I have been sticking to a less then 1200 calorie intake almost daily and I am not losing any weight. I am obviously doing something wrong and after reading some stories of women in chairs doing Weight Watchers, I thought this would be a good choice for me. You get to eat normal food with Weight Watchers and base everything on a point system which I am determined to handle.

I haven’t set a goal weight, but I have always wanted to be itty bitty, so I’m setting a goal to lose at least 50 lbs, 70 at the most. I don’t want to be too skinny, but I’m not happy where I am at now. I’m hoping this will rub off on my dad too, who not only eats an extreme amount of food, but also smokes and drinks. I am hoping if he sees me losing weight, he might look to improve his life too.

I’ll be posting updates on how I am doing and what I think of he program. I hope I am as successful as the cases I have read. Wish me luck.

I have never met the guy, but don’t need to meet him to realize what a loser he is. He doesn’t have a car and is uninsured so she has to drive his ass all over town or he expects her to give him the keys so he can drive HER car. He doesn’t help pay for the car nor does he give her gas money. He needs a car and wants a car, but he is holding out on getting his dream car of a Honda Accord for $700. She’s going to be driving his ass around forever!

He is on probation for his second DUI, but still drinks. HER parents bailed him out the last time, but they made him go to the ATM the minute he was out of jail. He goes to classes and sees a PO who he tells he doesn’t drink and her excuse is that he doesn’t drink that much. They are both missing the point!! He works at a car wash and this is his goal for the rest of his life and he is 26 years old. That’s a dream come true for someone who wants a family someday. Also good role model for those kids someday. He has some big debts from a hospital stay and an apartment for either missed rent or damages (probably both) and his excuse for not paying them is if he doesn’t do anything it will go away. BRIGHT IDEA IDIOT! She knows she takes on that debt if they marry. This is just the tip of the ice berg of loser things he has done.

Last week we went to the mall together and I picked her up. She accidentally grabbed the keys on the way out the door and as I was looking for a parking spot she gets a call from him and she answers the phone “shit, what did I do now?” Are you kidding me? I was pissed and she is practically in tears as he is chewing her out all over 8 short blocks!! He wanted to go to his brothers instead of asking him for a ride or walking he chose to chew her out first. He got a ride from his brother and apologized later through a text. That scenario right there would have been a deal breaker for me.

She constantly makes excuses for him and his behavior. He has social anxiety disorder and depends on her for EVERYTHING. She cooks and cleans their apartment, but he constantly complains about the food she cooks. The guy can’t even cook macaroni and cheese out of a box by himself. She is dependent on him for rent because he pays most of it so she uses that as excuse for all the shit he does.

People say love is blind, but is it completely stupid too?! My god, how much can one girl put up with? She says he is her first love, but what he is doing is not love! It is control more then anything. That is something I haven’t told her yet. She cannot say no to him and quite frankly I am getting sick of hearing about all their drama. If there is one silver lining in this and it is a small one — she said if he doesn’t fix things within the next few years she’ll leave. She doesn’t want to take on his debt and mess up her credit. Her dad I know has talked to her about this as have I. She is such a pretty woman and could do so much better and I don’t know why she stays with him, but I am betting she is in it for life. I value our friendship, but one of these days he just might come between it!

The Nixons

Remember them? They hit it the grunge-rock scene with their hit Sister back in 1994. I loved them, but they didn’t get as popular as Pearl Jam and Nirvana. They put out a few albums — it was their fourth album, Latest Thing that got me through some tough times after high school.

Most of my friends went off to college while I decided to take a year off to concentrate on some much needed physical therapy. After I was paralyzed I jumped right back into high school and everyone knows how busy they keep you in high school. Being that busy I never had time to reflect or cope with my paralysis. Maybe that was a good thing — I don’t know.

I didn’t cope with my injury until 4–5 years later. When I was the only one in Sioux Falls and everyone else was at college. I found myself with too much time on my hands and thinking about being paralyzed. It hit me hard and I shut myself off from EVERYONE. I cried a lot and listened to the Nixons, Latest thing constantly. I just wanted to be alone. My parents wanted me to see a doctor, but I refused.

I eventually came out of the depression I was in, but the Nixons and the Latest Thing were what kept me company in some very dark days.