I don’t know why, but for some reason I have been searching for that perfect wedding gown and that gorgeous ring I want on my finger. I have never done this before — is it my subconscious telling me to do it and then I search it out? Yes, Nate and I have “talked” about marriage, but nothing so out there that I should be planning the big day. We have been together six months and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. I guess every girl visions what she will look like and fantasizes about all the little details, but I guess I never have really done it before.
I have found the ring I want on my finger and it won’t break my future husband either. That’s a plus for him. It’s perfect in every which way. It’s not the typical engagement ring, but I am in love with it. There are a few others I love too, but I keep coming back to this one.
I have a few dresses picked out online and they are reasonably priced and that would be a plus for my parents. I must have found a site that designs look-a-like gowns because they are all less then $300 bucks. Looking at gowns it’s hard not to look at the big princess dresses. They so beautiful and a small part of me would still love to be in one, but it would look completely wrong in a wheelchair. The poof would be over powering visually sitting the entire time and most likely would be very hard to wheel in. I have found a few that would be perfect for sitting, with a little poof.
I don’t want a big wedding. I’m not even sure I want a wedding. Rules and politics have me backed into a corner right now, but once I am done with school and have a job it won’t be such a issue I have to worry about. Part of me wants a small ceremony with our closest friends and family. The other part of me wants to do a wedding moon and get married somewhere exotic and romantic and come home and have a big reception with our loved ones.
When I was a little girl I wanted the big fairytale wedding. The big princess dress, the handsome prince, the works. Weddings like my aunts had. Then I got hurt at 15 and those dreams were pretty much crushed. I wanted for the longest time to walk down the isle and if I couldn’t do that I didn’t want the wedding. That was the old me talking. I would still love for my daddy to give me away in front of everyone and wouldn’t want to take that away from him by doing a wedding moon.
When I was little my dad always told me to elope or just go to city hall and forget the big wedding. He said he would rather give us the money we would spend on a big wedding and give it to us to put towards a house. I see the logic behind that. The wedding is just a couple of days and for what? A lot of money for pictures, cake, and a get together with family and friends. There are cheaper ways to do that and not break the bank or our parents. Money towards a house is planning for our future and I like the idea very much.
I am quite superstitious and that part of me thinks I am jinxing everything by writing all this out for the world to see. Gosh, I hope not because I really do want to get married and start a family. It’s a dream of mine. One that I want to come true. I guess I’ll wait and see what happens.