Well, I did it. I finally told Nate I loved him. I cannot believe it. It feels so amazing that it is finally out. I have felt it for quite some time — I just have never been able to tell HIM because I was afraid to say it out loud. Those are three very powerful words I do not take lightly and the last man I told them to and meant every word broke my heart. Once those three little words are out, you cannot take them back and what if they do not feel the same? I have told others how I feel about Nate, but was very apprehensive about telling him. I am elated he knows now.
I felt it from Nate Saturday night. We were sleeping right next to each other, but it is very difficult to sleep in hotel beds. I have trouble sleeping when it is not my bed. I believe I was semi asleep when I felt Nate playing with my fingers as my hand was laid across his body — I woke up and it was about 3 AM. He could not sleep and now I was up so we cuddled. He is very warm and I was cold so it was perfect. He was so gentle in wrapping me up against him and I could just feel the love oozing from him. He gave me butterflies. In the midst of cuddling I wanted to tell him and I said Nate and then hesitated and did not say anything more as we continued to cuddle and kiss. I got scared again, but everything felt so right — when he kissed me gently, brushed his hand on my face, or when we would interlock our hands. It was about 20 minutes to a half hour when I did finally let my guard down and told him I loved him. We were kissing with our hands linked and I told him. It felt so right at that moment in time and my heart and my mind finally agreed for me to say it. I was not expecting him to say it back, but he looked at me and said I love you too. It was pure bliss, romantic like in the movies. We eventually fell asleep in each other arms, but neither of us got much sleep. That did not matter because everything else was so perfect.
Now, when we talk before we say goodbye we say I love you to each other. I am like a giddy school girl now that it is out and it feels wonderful. I truly did not think I would feel love again, not after being hurt so badly and hurt for so long. I dated men between Robbie and Nate, but never once did I feel love. There were good times and moments where I thought I could see myself with a couple of them long term, but ovbiously they were not the right ones. I have said it again and I am glad I am strong enough to say it again and I am happy. Nate and I really needed this weekend alone together. He was so wonderful all weekend. We were able to let our gaurd down, get away from Sioux Falls and just concentrate on us. It was everything and more.