Heartbroken

I got a call Thursday night and it wasn’t pleasant at all. He snapped at me when I asked if he even cared that I had been crying and worried the last few days of him being silent. It shocked me to say the least since he has never risen his voice to me ever.

I’m pretty sure it is over even though he has not said the words. I have asked to meet him on Thursday after work to drop off some gifts I have for his parents. If we talk I will most likely end it because I can’t take this silence anymore.

I am emotionally and physically sick over this. I am not sleeping well and am I barely eating. On top of that I am crying more often than not. I don’t like people to see me cry so when I am alone I let the tears flow.

The not knowing what the hell happened is the worst. I fell in love with Nate and it took me a long time to fall in love again. I kept my walls up for so long, many years in fact so I wouldn’t get hurt and here I am – hurt again. The pain is consuming my life. My school work isn’t suffering yet, but I have no energy or ambition to do it.

I’m prepared for it to be over, but I really don’t want it to be over. I adore his parents and his family as they do me. I would really miss them if this is ending which I am sure it is. I’ll most likely stay in contact with his sister in law, but that will probably be it. They are the sweetest family on the face of the planet and I love them.

This is so very difficult on me. I truly thought Nate and I would spend the rest of our lives together, have kids and grow old together. Now, that dream is ending and I am completely shattered inside and out and I really just don’t know what to do anymore.

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One response to “Heartbroken

  1. I hope for your sake it’s not over. I hate to see people hurting. If the worst comes to pass however, you just have to find the strength to go on. You get out of bed each and every day and go about your life. You breath in and out all day long. After a time the pain won’t consume you and eventually it will fade away entirely. Doesn’t feel that way right now I know, but it will. The most important thing to realize however is that if your worst fears are confirmed, don’t let that be an excuse to close yourself off. Don’t let it be an excuse to never get close with someone again. If Nate isn’t the one for, it only means your true soul mate is still out there. Keep your head up, keep smiling even though it hurts and keep looking because somewhere out there, someone is looking for you.

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